High Places

Steph,
We met at your book signing in Portland over a year ago. The next day I got on a plane for Salt Lake City. I read the book during my time waiting in the airports. I loved it, and have probably read in pieces and parts six times now. The book, along with you has provided plenty of inspiration for me.

Here is my question\comment:
I have, since I started climbing, been renowned for my lack of a lead head. I’m just starting to fix this. My friend has been having me take whippers in the gym, and we’ve been working on my commitment outside. Over the last few weeks, I have been climbing both outside and in the gym and working on improving my overall fitness. Because of the extra work I’m putting in I feel much more confident. Aside from that, I’ve come to believe that one moment has triggered my stronger lead head\confidence.

About two weeks ago, I left my house early to get to the crag to solo top rope one of my projects. In order to warm up, I went over to an easy climb, knowing that I was going to free solo it. It wasn’t a hard climb (5.6), but it was my first time ever considering doing any thing that required that level of commitment. I sat at the base for ten minutes, finishing my coffee. Topping out felt great, I laughed out loud, I had the crag to myself and had a great view of the river below. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would top out safely. Since then, my lead head has been solid. It has become one of the key moments of my life. I told only one person, his response was that I was bold, but shouldn’t make a habit of it. This past weekend, I soloed another, easier route and felt the same. This route didn’t top out, and the second pitch is above my head, so I brought a rope up and rapped from the anchor. I told this same friend and he told me I was crazy and that if I did it again, I would die.

I love these moments and I’m starting to look for routes to solo. However, its clear that I don’t have the support of a close climbing partner, and if I were to tell my girlfriend I think that she would seriously consider leaving me if I continued soloing, being that I love not only her, but her two kids who I help support also. I’m ok with keeping this to my self…I think. I was wondering what your thoughts on this were.

Also, what do you, or your fellow soloists do when you solo a single pitch with no top out? Is bringing a rope to rap off a valid tactic? I feel that it is, but I was just looking for decent beta. Lastly, I’m sure that the answer to this is yes, but do you feel that it helps you tackle your harder roped projects?

Thanks for your time.

P.S. It is unlikely that my girlfriend will check your site, since she’s not a climber. But, if you do post this on your blog I would appreciate that you don’t post my name along with the post. Thanks again.

Dear X,
I really appreciate your letter, because it reminds me that people feel very uncomfortable with free soloing…..I often tend to live in my own little world, and forget that everyone else is not living in here with me :). And I have seen, from reactions of fellow climbers, that soloing often raises very dramatic responses, even from people who don’t have a personal connection to the soloist. I find this strange and a little presumptuous, but somehow soloing pushes a lot of buttons in climbers.

It’s hard for me to give any advice to another person, about choices which are so personal. But here are a few thoughts. I think it’s important for us all to remember that life is dangerous. All sporting activities and all nonsporting activities can lead to accidents and/or death. The decision to pursue more seemingly high risk activities is, and should be, personal. As a community and a society, we should learn to respect others’ decisions. When people are allowed to think for themselves, they tend to make better decisions. Our country in particular, wonderful in so many ways, seems to be especially challenged by this way of thinking.

But respect does work the other way too, and it is respectful to listen and consider what you hear from people who are close to you. You don’t necessarily need to agree, but to seriously think about what they have to say. I have seen again and again from my friends that having children who depend on you dramatically affects choices about voluntary/additional risk. It sounds like you have been thinking a lot about these issues.

I used to bring a 5mm rap line with me when I soloed Castleton, to rap down. Sometimes at Indian Creek, I downsolo, but sometimes I carry the 5mm to rappel. The thing I most appreciate about free soloing is that it makes you very aware that you are the one making all of these decisions, about what makes sense and what is the most practical way to do things. You have to do what feels right to you, and you have to be very clear with yourself about what feels right and what does not. I think this is true for all climbing, and I guess all of life. You are the one getting something from this experience, and you are the one deciding how these moments of your life should feel. You are also the one who has to decide why you want these moments, and what value they have for you.

Sometimes free soloing actually makes me climb worse on a rope, because my brain subconsciously doesn’t want my body to get into a compromised moment, where I might fall. Other times, it makes me feel super aware that when I have a rope it is absolutely fine to fall, and I climb much better. So you never know!

I hope you can find peace with these decisions, and remember to enjoy every moment, no matter what you are doing. The beautiful moments are happening all day long, often at the simplest times, if we can remember to see them.
Xx Steph