Mind Games

Hey Steph,
I am not sure if you have had an experience like this, but you seem like you would be a likely source for some helpful advice. I took a 70 foot fall on Teewinot in the Teton Range 2 months ago, and luckily came away with only a concussion and a torn hamstring, in addition to some bumps and bruises. I was very, very lucky. I haven’t climbed since then, and I am really wanting to get back out. The desire and psych is all there, but mentally, I feel pretty nervous about getting above gear again. I was wondering if you have ever had something like this happen, and what you did to deal with it; or if not, I at least wanted to see if had any advice! Hopefully I will be out there soon.
Thanks,
Van

Dear Van,
I’m steadily working my way through a big pile of fantastic letters like yours, so it’s been a couple months since you wrote. I sincerely hope the torn hamstring is better, and you are feeling like yourself again. I know hamstrings can linger for a long time, though. I tore mine once years ago while doing a heel hook in Hueco Tanks, and it just took forever for it to stop hurting. Getting concussions is never a good thing either. I know, though, that the psychological damage can be even more lingering. It is really hard to jump back in when your last memory from a fun day out turned into a memory of “oh S#!%” and lots of pain and downtime. I’m glad you are mostly okay, because that sounds like it was a massive whipper.

This kind of fear, returning post-injury, is somehow even stronger than that innocent, new-to-the-sport fear. Because now you know what happens when things actually do go wrong. It’s no longer a vague, “oh what if” fear. But like any fear, I think the recipe is the same. Consistent practice is the way to tame that fear. The key thing is not to be in a big rush. You have a lot of memories of where you were, physically and mentally, before the scary accident, and you can’t help but feel you should be able to just “get over it” and get right back there immediately. When you can’t, you may get frustrated, which just compounds things.

Personally, my most serious accident caused 3 fractures in my sacrum, along with torn rib intercostals and an elbow bursitis (the last 2 hurt the most!). I fractured my sacrum in a base jumping accident, landing my parachute in bad wind conditions in a very rugged spot. I started skydiving as soon as I was recovered enough (skydiving is safer and has much easier landing situations than base jumping), and the first few weeks were pretty terrifying. Every time the ground started coming up, my brain wanted to panic, remembering the seconds just before impact when I was hurt. Those scary jumps weren’t really that much fun, but I knew how much fun it would be when I wasn’t being controlled by fear. So I just kept at it, and eventually, the fear went away.

I’ve had other accidents and injuries too. But in a strange way, I have always enjoyed recovering from an injury, because there is a very satisfying daily and weekly and monthly progression in the experience. So if you can step back a little and adopt that mindset, you will not be frustrated by the bit of time it is going to take to get your head back together after your climbing mishap. Actually, it is just another fun opportunity that climbing has to offer, to experience the satisfaction of progression. Personally, I believe that’s the real reason climbing is so appealing to people –because it is a great vehicle to achieve that feeling of progression.

Take it easy on yourself, and listen to yourself. Yes, there is going to be a certain level of fear that will ultimately need to be ignored to step forward, if that’s what you really want to do. But you don’t have do it all in one day. Take baby steps, first going out toproping a lot, until you are confident in your actual climbing skills again. Then start doing easy leads. Don’t stress the timeline…life is long, and hopefully your climbing life will be too. At some point, you will find yourself two inches above a piece of gear or a bolt, trying to do a move that feels like you could fall, and you will be consumed by irrational panic. This is when you get to deal with the fear. In this moment, there is almost no way to actually get hurt (as opposed to the 70 foot whipper you took), and you will have to ignore the fear and go on. At some point, when you are ready, that is the strength you will have to practice, when you will have to walk past the fear, knowing you are not in real danger and merely controlled by fear. The more times you do this, which is indeed a baby step, the bigger the steps will get.

I hope you are back on track and enjoying the sharp end again,
xxSteph