Risk Versus Reward

Hey Steph!
As I was packing for nepal I realized I didnt have a good book to read so I went to the Boulder Book store to see what I could find on my new hobby which had quickly turned into an obsession, Climbing. I started climbing last January and had quickly gotten hooked. It might be the calm of my thoughts or the intense feeling of being in the present but something in climbing appeals to me. As I read the descriptions of numerous books yours caught my eye in the “used books” section and for the low price of 6 dollars your story became a part of mine. I read a part after each day of hiking and your stories would dwell in my thoughts the next day till I had another chance to read more. I gobbled your book down yet savored it like it was the last bite of Nutella in an almost empty jar. I would love to ask you a question. While I was falling in love with climbing, I also fell in love with a crag honey. She is very devoted and driven to be stronger and has been climbing for many years. She helps me with climbing and whenever she is behind me whispering positive words I cant help but climb stronger. I would love to tell her how I feel, but I am worried that things will change. What do you say? Se la ve?
Wishing you plenty of good thoughts, Max

Dear Max,
Thanks for writing me! And I am very honored to have High Infatuation compared to Nutella!!!!!

You have asked me a pretty tricky question. It reminds me of a time I was on an expedition with a good friend, who was angsting over his on-off relationship, and his fear of commitment, etc. Mainly out of annoyance and selfish motivation, I said, “yeesh, just go for it already!” so we could talk about other things during the next month. Now that they are happily married with an adorable child, apparently I have been awarded an undeserved amount of credit for their marital bliss However, my track record with romance has not always been so impressive, so I can’t claim to be an expert on this issue.

As we all know, if a girl/climbing partner is quietly liking you back and you make a big confession of love, it will turn out great. If she is not quietly liking you back, your confession of love will surely lead to future awkwardness and possibly to you not being such good friends/climbing partners anymore. So it’s basically 50/50 here. Probably the best thing to do would be to give me her email address and I can ask her for you.

However, this question is essentially the same as everything else in life….fundamentally, it’s a question of risk management. What I do with every choice that carries some consequence is to evaluate the risk versus reward. For example, I have tried surfing and felt ambivalent about it. I know there are sharks in the ocean, and that more than one person has been chomped by a shark while surfing. To me, the potential enjoyment I might get from surfing in no way is worth the potential of being eaten (either partially or entirely) by a shark, so I don’t surf. To other people, surfing is the greatest thing on the planet, and the possibility of being eaten by a shark does not deter them from continuing to do so. This is the simple weigh-in of risk versus reward. On the other side of the scale for me would be climbing and base jumping. The rewards I get from those activities are so great, that I am willing to accept the possibility of injury or death by gravity. You can decide pretty much anything if you look at it this way.

So this is what you have to ask yourself in your current dilemma. Is the possible reward of a more romantic relationship with your friend so desirable that you are willing to risk not even getting to climb with her anymore? Or not?

I hope that helps.
Steph